Keep Your Head Up
by lightblue-Nymphadora
Summary: War changes people, and Tonks knows what she has to do for herself and for her son...Rated for allusions to violent situations
1. Chapter 1

**_LbN: Hey guys! I was listening to this song and had an idea..._**

**Keep Your Head Up**

Tonks sighed and put the paper down. The headline was some more rubbish about "putting things right" and "bringing the last ones to justice". It had been a year and a half since the fall of You-Know-Who, and the Daily Prophet was back to business as usual, a.k.a. pretending everything was okay. She knew better. Things had changed, mostly for the better, in the Ministry, but they were far from perfect or even good. And, as with all wars, people had changed. People, including Tonks, were still grieving over loved ones who had died. The war had made some a bit more cautious, and others a bit more bold. Harry wasn't as rash, Hermione wasn't as "by the book", and she herself had gotten over a bit of her clumsiness. And Remus…

Tonks glanced into the kitchen at her husband. The war had made him bitter; there was no other way to put it. He had seen some life altering things in his job for the Order, and those things had lived up to their title. He was cold on the good days, which were most, and so far there had only been two bad days. The first time, he had been drunk and she had been too shocked to hex him in retaliation. He apologized as soon as he was sober, and hadn't had a drink since. That's what gave Tonks hope most days, the fact that he had kept his word; but there was still the fact that the second time he had hit her, one month previous, he had been sober. Completely sober, and pissed off. But again, after he'd struck he'd seemed to come to his senses and had begged her forgiveness. She had chosen to give it to him, but had constantly been on alert since then. She kept her distance from him when he was in one of his moods, and made sure that she was always near Teddy. She had even gone so far as to get another wand from Ollivander's, just in case something was to happen to the first.

"Tonks?"

"Yes Remus?" she looked up as he came into the room.

"What did you say you made for supper?"

"Oh! Roast chicken with peppers. And there's some salad as well."

Remus grumbled and nodded, walking back into the kitchen. She listened as he rummaged through the ice box. She got up and went to stand in the doorway.

"It's on the top shelf," she said helpfully.  
"I can find it, damn it," he said, grabbing the proper container.

Tonks shrugged, and Remus glared at her.

"I'm not Teddy. I don't need you to hold my hand for everything."

"I know," Tonks said, "I was just trying to help."

He said nothing to that, just summoned a glass from the cabinet and began filling it with water. Tonks left the kitchen, letting out the breath of air she had been holding. She was tired of this; tired of walking on eggshells around him. She was leaving, she decided, and soon. She wasn't going to wait around for him to lose his temper again; she would take Teddy and go.

Walking into her room, she closed the door so that it barely stood open and silently summoned a bag from the closet. She threw some of her clothes and her Auror kit into it, before quietly sliding it across the hall to Teddy's room. His clothes took a lot less space than hers, so the bag was still relatively light. This was a good thing, she thought, since she would have to carry his diaper bag as well. She set both bags between the changing table and the rocking chair and looked over the crib at her son. His hair was pink. She smiled at him, gave him a kiss on the forehead, and went back to her room to read.

Tonks didn't sleep a wink that night. Every time Remus rolled over, every time he snored, she tightened her grip on her wand; waiting for him to figure out what she was planning. When dawn finally broke, bringing with it the sounds of their alarms and a sigh of relief from Tonks, she was ready to fall over from exhaustion. She hopped out of bed and pulled on a robe. As Remus headed into the bathroom, she went to the kitchen to make breakfast. She had just put the toast on when Teddy's cries reached her ears. He was, officially, on the same sleeping schedule as both of his parents, and was always hungry first thing in the morning. Tonks went quickly down the hall and grabbed him out of his crib, but as she walked back to the kitchen, she could smell the toast burning. That's what happens when you only want it slightly crispy, she guessed. She set Teddy in his highchair and vanished the charred bread.

By the time Remus got to the kitchen, dressed for work at the Wireless Network, she had breakfast ready and was feeding Teddy. Only a few lingering wafts of burned toast remained.

"What did you burn today?" Remus asked in a resigned voice.

"Toast. And it's not as if I burn food everyday," Tonks responded. Usually her cooking skills were quite good, in fact.

"You can't keep wasting food like that," Remus grumbled, "It's too expensive."

"It was two slices bread for heaven's sake!" Tonks said, burping their son.

"That doesn't matter!" Remus yelled.

Teddy began to wail. Tonks, with the skill of a true Auror, beat back the anger and fear she was feeling and focused on comforting Teddy. The boy seemed to be inconsolable though.

"What's wrong with him?" Remus asked.

"He's a baby, Remus; they do cry every now and then," Tonks said, walking past him to exit the kitchen.

"Hey!" he caught hold of her arm.

"Let go," she said in a calm voice that was the polar opposite of what she was actually feeling.

He let go, and she walked down the hall to the nursery. She sat holding Teddy in one arm and gripping her wand with the other hand. It didn't matter though. After another five minutes, she heard Remus call,

"I'm going to work!" and the door slam shut behind him.

Tonks took a few deep, steadying breaths and thought. She needed to leave now, but where would she go? Her parents were dead, as were Remus's. She didn't want to have to deal with the inevitable speech from any of the now numerous Weasley women: _You're an Auror, why don't you fight back? You should have had him arrested! You stayed after the first time? I would've left then…_

It wasn't that simple. These things never were. So that ruled out Harry and Ginny's house, Ron and Hermione's house, Percy and Penelope's house…Bill and Fleur were in France. Charlie was still single, and that might look bad. She supposed she could peek in on George and Padma, but they were newlyweds and she really didn't want to disturb them.

She sat for another moment rocking Teddy, who was now sniffling quietly. His hair was changing colors quickly from the excitement. On the fifth change, Tonks had an idea. There was someone she could go to, someone who would understand exactly what she was going through. And no one would think to find her there…

**KYHU**

"Cousin? To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?"

"Wotcher Draco," Tonks smiled sadly, "I…er…I need a place to stay for a little while."

"Come in," Draco said, standing aside, "You know you're always welcome here. Is my little cousin asleep?"

"Yeah, he fell off right after breakfast," Tonks smiled.

"Well, lets put him in the guest room and we'll have a chat, yes?"

"Alright."

**_LbN: Next chapter's coming soon! Drop me a review and tell me how you liked the first one!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_LbN: Hey y'all! Hope you like the chapter!_**

**KYHU**

"…so, you know, I figured you'd understand," Tonks finished explaining; "I mean, I know what happened with…Lucius was a bit different but…" she trailed off, shrugging.

"I do," Draco nodded, "understand, I mean. I have a feeling I know the answer to this, but are you going to go to Magical Law Enforcement?"

"No," Tonks said, "I can't. You know how anti-werewolf they are still. Kingsley's trying to stop it, but it's kind of widespread."

"Not to sound overly evil, but I don't really see the problem," Draco said, leaning back in his chair, "Remus knows about the anti-werewolf…sentiment in the Ministry. He shouldn't expect people to cover up his _crimes_," Draco emphasized the last word, "because this is a crime, Tonks. He shouldn't expect people to make excuses for him because the law system is going to be unfair to him. If he wants to avoid that, he'll control his temper; or he'll figure out a way to not take it out on you and Teddy."

"He hasn't done anything to Teddy," Tonks said.

"Not yet," Draco replied darkly, "It took my dad twelve years to start hitting me after he started with my mum; but he did. If you don't protect yourself now, how are you going to protect Teddy later?"

"That's why I left."

"I know," Draco said softly, "I'm proud of you for it. What are you going to do next?"

"Look for an apartment," Tonks said, "Money won't be a problem; I'm making a lot more now. I'll have to talk to Remus sometime. I left him a note, but…"

At that moment, an owl zoomed through the upper window of the dining room. A roll of parchment dropped in front of Tonks.

"…and apparently he got it," she said, recognizing the handwriting on it.

"I'll give you a moment," Draco said, collecting the cups and walking into the kitchen.

Tonks watched him go, then opened the parchment.

_**Dora,**_

_**Come back. You know I didn't mean what I did! I've apologized about it, and I can't believe you'd take Teddy. If you aren't back by lunchtime tomorrow, I'm going to Magical Law Enforcement to report his kidnapping. I don't want to do that. Please come back.**_

_**Remus**_

Tonks looked the letter over a few times. Something about it was sending her Auror Intuition into overdrive. The fourth time she read it through, it hit her. He wanted her to bring Teddy back; he wanted his son, not her. Draco's words about protecting herself now rang in her ears as she crumpled the paper in her hands.

"Draco!"

He looked around the corner at her.

"Yeah Tonks?"

"I need you to watch Teddy for a little while," she tossed the letter into the bin in the corner of the room. "I have an errand to run."

Draco looked at her suspiciously.

"You're not going to see him are you?"

"No—"

"I mean it Tonks," Draco said urgently, "He's hurting from you leaving him. If you have to see him, you should meet somewhere in public."

"I'm not going back to him," Tonks shook her head, "I'm going to Magical Law Enforcement."

"What's with the 180?" Draco asked in surprise. Tonks gave him the point of the letter as she got her traveling cloak on.

"If he wakes up crying, just change his diaper okay?" Tonks said as she walked out the door.

"What??"

"It's not hard, I promise," Tonks smiled, "Just…change him on a towel on the floor, right?"

With that, she Apparated. A minute later, as if he could sense his mother's absence, Teddy began to wail.

"Oh no," Draco moaned.

**KYHU**

Tonks walked slowly down the familiar hallway. The MLE and Aurors shared a building.

_Please God in heaven, _she thought, _don't let anyone I know be at the desk today…_

God didn't oblige. Tonks's bubbly nature meant that she knew quite a few people in both offices, so when she walked into the reporting station, tripping over a chair as she entered, the man at the desk looked up and smiled.

"Tonks!" he said, "Visiting us later and later these days."

"Wotcher Saleus," Tonks said, "Ummm, I wonder if we could talk?"

"Sure," Saleus nodded, pointing to a private room.

"Now," he said, closing the door after they'd entered, "What's on your mind?"

Tonks paused, wondering if this was such a good idea. Figuring that she had already stepped halfway off the cliff, she went ahead and took the plunge…

"It's…my husband, Remus. I left him today, and I want a protection order."

"Why?" Saleus asked, beginning to take copious notes.

"He hit me," Tonks said after a pause. "Twice. And I can't stand waiting around for it to happen again. And I'm…I'm afraid for Teddy. Our son."

"Has he done anything to the child?"

"No, no he hasn't," Tonks shook her head, "I just…can't really be sure he won't."

"Right then," Saleus nodded, "I'll write up the report, and we can get you a protection order while you sort everything out. If you have to see him, meet him in public; somewhere with lots of people."

Saleus looked at her for a moment before he spoke again.

"Tonks," he began quietly, putting his pen down, "I'm telling you this as your friend, alright? Be sure, absolutely sure, that you want this before you go to court. They are going to find in your favor, whatever you ask, because of his condition. It's not right, but it's what will happen. Be sure that if you ask for a divorce, you want it. And, forgive me, I don't know what you're planning for the boy, but know that if you tell the court that you don't want Remus to see him, Remus will never see him again. They'll make sure of it."

"I know," Tonks said, "That's not what I want, Saleus. I just can't stay with him. I can't be bonded to someone who doesn't care about me at all. I don't think he'd ever hurt Teddy, but I just don't know."

Saleus wrote a few more things and asked for Tonks's signature. Ten minutes later, she was walking back down the hall to the entrance. She Apparated outside of Draco's house with a splitting headache. She wanted to check on Teddy. She wanted to give Draco an update on her family drama. More than anything she wanted a drink. Unfortunately Draco hated all forms of alcohol, so that wasn't going to happen. Walking into the house, she heard Teddy's laugh from down the hall. Walking into the guess bedroom, she had the first real laugh she had had in weeks.

Draco had one of Teddy's shirts on his head and was dancing around the room. Teddy was propped up in a circle of pillows in the middle of the bed, laughing his head off, dressed in only a diaper. Draco turned and grinned at Tonks as she fell against the doorframe with laughter.

"He wouldn't stop wailing," he explained, "So I changed his diaper, and then he wouldn't let me dress him again. I was trying to show him how to put on a shirt and he started laughing, so I just went with it. Everything go okay?"

"Eh…" Tonks shrugged, "As okay as could be expected."

She picked Teddy up and kissed him.

"Stuff's going to get crazy really soon," she said.

**_LbN: Hope you liked it! Send me a review!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_LbN: Last chapter! Hope you like it!_**

**KYHU**

"Tonks!"

Tonks looked up from the paper she was reading. It had a few very promising advertisements for apartments in London and a couple in Hogsmeade. She folded the paper and looked back at Draco.

"Yeah?"

"We've been invited to dinner at the Weasleys'," he smiled.

"Which Weasleys?" she asked.

"Molly and Arthur, but everyone's going to be there."

"Alright, what time?"

"In two hours."

"I'll start getting ready then," she said, getting up from the table.

**KYHU**

"Hello Draco, Tonks!" Molly Weasley opened the door, hugging each of them.

"Wotcher Molly," Tonks smiled, then stopped. An awkward silence took hold of the kitchen as Tonks spotted Remus for the first time in a week. Teddy's happy cooing wasn't making the situation any better…

"Well…er…I should go," Remus said.

"No, no!" Molly shook her head. "Stay. Here, I'll take Teddy and you two can go have a chat."

"No, I really have to go," Remus insisted. "Thanks for the tea Molly, Arthur."

He grabbed his cloak off the hook and sped out the door past Tonks. Everyone stood in uncomfortable silence for a moment before Fred said,

"Well, let's head into the living room, shall we? Lee's show should be starting by now."

Everyone began shuffling quietly out of the kitchen, but Molly held Tonks back. Tonks shifted Teddy in her arms, waiting for the inevitable.

"Look," Molly said concernedly, "how do you expect to get past this if you won't even talk to him?"

"It's complicated Molly," Tonks muttered.

"Everything in marriage is complicated," Molly said sternly. "You have to learn to work through these things! You can't just give up the first time things get rou—"

"He hit me. Twice."

Molly looked up at her with an almost confused expression.

"What?"

"He hit me," Tonks said again.

"Was he drunk?"

"Not the second time."

They were quiet for a moment as Molly stirred a pot of sauce and sent a large pile of potatoes soaring into the sink to be washed. She began rinsing them before speaking again.

"I still think you should try and work it out."

Tonks looked up from Teddy, who was starting to whimper, in shock.

"What?"

"He's been through a war Tonks—"

"So has Harry. I don't see him hitting Ginny. I mean, I know Remus saw some fuc—messed up stuff during the war, but you can't tell me that Harry, Ron, and all the others didn't either."

"He loves you."

"He doesn't," Tonks retorted, "He cares about Teddy, but even that seems like it's only because he has to."

"Well," Molly said softly, "Whatever happens, we're here for you. All of us."

"Thank you Molly."

**KYHU**

"After reviewing you case, Mr. and Mrs. Lupin, this court has decided to grant Mrs. Lupin's, hereafter to be addressed as Ms. Tonks, request for a bond separation. There is, however, still the matter of the child the two of you share. Based on the information given to us, we feel that it is in the child's best interest if custody is granted to Ms. Tonks. Do you have any requests, Ms. Tonks?"

"Yes," Tonks said, "I'd like Mr. Lupin to have visitation once a week with his son, starting next month."

"So ordered," the judge said, adjusting his monocle. "Mr. Lupin will retain _supervised_ visitation rights beginning December first. You are both dismissed after the bond is separated."

A lanky wizard stepped to the front of the judge and his secretary.

"You will need to hold hands for this charm," he said. Once Tonks and Remus, grudgingly, complied, he pointed his wand at their clasped hands and a green haze covered them both. They dropped their hands and pointedly stared at the judge.

"You are dismissed," he told them.

They walked out of the room and down the narrow hall, still avoiding each other's gaze. Remus stopped and Tonks looked back at him.

"Gracious of you," he said, "Once a week with my son."

"Until I can trust you again, that's all you're getting," Tonks said coldly. "After all, you did promise to stop hitting me; how can I be sure you won't hit him?"

"I only did that twice," Remus argued.

"I don't want you to do it even once to him," Tonks turned to walk away. Remus grabbed her arm.

"See this?" she asked, "If you did this to him he'd have bruises for a week. Babies take patience, which is something you don't have anymore. Let me go."

He did, and Tonks walked the rest of the way to the elevator. When she turned back, he was still standing there, watching her go. The elevator doors closed and Tonks slid down the wall, crying.

_**Fin**_

**When your heart is free it's easy to make a decision  
When your head is cleared you know you have good judgement  
But when your life is turning topsy turvy and you have no reason for what's disturbing  
Remember these words mama said to me  
She said  
Keep your head up don't say you love him  
Walk away from all that has hurt you  
Find your power you know your strong  
Make that step and it will help you along  
Why give up? This time you can win  
Why give up? This battle is within  
Why stay when you don't know what he's gonna do?  
Why choose him when it's time to choose you?**


End file.
